


if a dragon’s body is big enough it just looks like the world

by Anonymous



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Blow Job, Crying, Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, Fingering, Growing Up, Identity, Incest, Intercrural Sex, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Magical transitioning, Penis In Vagina Sex, Trans Character, Underage - Freeform, age gap, one sided crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-06 00:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14630532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: We’re in the dark now, you and me. This is primal shit right here.Growing up is confusing and scary. Taako and Lup take comfort in each other, as everything changes around them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from _What The Dragon Said: A Love Story_ by Cat Valente. 
> 
> This fic tackles some intense shit. Please mind the tags!

Taako and Lup joined the circus when they were at the age that other species got pimples.

Taako and Lup, being elves, didn’t get pimples, because some species are just that much better than the rest of us, and they didn’t lord it over everyone else as much as they could.

Saying that they “joined the circus” was a bit of an overstatement - they worked in the cook tent, they did odd jobs here and there, they shoveled a lot of shit, literally and metaphorically. 

They shared a small, cramped wagon - most of it was where the cold box lived, and they shared one giant pile of quilts, to keep warm together. 

A couple of folks at the circus made disapproving noises, but they could fuck right off, because Taako and Lup had shared a womb, so why not a sleeping bag?

There were vague whispers about… this and that, as it were, but who gave a fuck?

Taako had Lup and Lup had Taako, and that was all that mattered.

When he put his hand on her chest, her heart beat under his palm, as familiar as his own. 

Her face was his own - neither of them had really… changed much. 

Lup was practicing her magic, was doing things to her own appearance, but it was… well, it was taking time.

She wasn’t really satisfied, and Taako… well, there was always that little pit of unease, like a cherry stone, sitting in the middle of his stomach. 

She was his sister.

But she still looked like him.

She hadn’t… well, changed anything. 

She was going to - she said she was going to, they were trying to figure out ways to do it.

But in the meantime… in the meantime, looking into her face was like looking into a mirror, as it always had. 

* * * 

“The head cook is being weirdly nice to me today,” said Taako, the two of them sitting together, a bit apart from the rest of the crew, eating stew.

“It’s ‘cause you’re getting hot, bro,” said Lup.

She had been training her voice - mainly by shooting magic at her vocal cords - and she sounded… well, she didn’t sound like an adult, but she sounded like someone on their way towards it. 

Taako’s own voice still cracked, to Lup’s endless amusement. 

“Then why doesn’t he hit on you? You look like me.”

“Because,” said Lup, “you’re better at it.”

“Better at what?”

Lup made a vague hand motion.

Taako rolled his eyes, nudging her with his foot.

She nudged him back.

She was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen in his life, but he took it for granted by now.

She was Lup.

Lup was beautiful, he was beautiful, that was the way that the world worked - water was wet, the sun was hot, the nights were lonely, and they were beautiful.

“So I’ve been working on my magic,” Lup said.

“I know,” said Taako. “I’m the one who you practice on half the time.”

“Well, okay, yeah, but still. You know what I mean.”

“How’s the practice going?”

“I thought you knew what was happening, what with you being the one I’m practicing on,” Lup said.

Taako rolled his eyes, and he gave Lup the finger.

Lup waggled her eyebrows. 

Taako stuck his tongue out, and he was blushing at the same time. 

She was… she was Lup. 

She was changing - the magic was doing things to her, things he didn’t entirely understand, and he was helping her with that, with his own magic, but his own… self was changing, in ways he didn’t entirely understand. 

Didn’t want to think too hard about it in general - he didn’t want to think about anything changing. 

… which, in its own way, felt like a betrayal to Lup.

Of course, Taako never faced these thoughts head on - you don’t look a dragon in the teeth, or it’ll eat you alive.

He watched them from the corner of his eye, when he and Lup bedded down late at night, back to back, her breathing a backbeat to the music of his own mind. 

But right now, there were fireflies, and the smoke of the fire, and the talk of the rest of the circus washing over the both of them like a wave. 

There were… things, on the very edges of his mind, things that he knew were real, but he didn’t want to face.

When he and Lup had both been very small, still living with his aunt, he had known there was a monster under their shared bed. 

He had taken flying leaps onto the bed, to avoid getting his ankles grabbed at.

Lup, being Lup, had crawled under.

There had been a nail biting five minutes, and then Lup had crawled out from under the bed, dusty and looking pleased with herself, to inform him there wasn’t anything.

But there _was_ , and he knew there was something.

It just hadn’t wanted her.

“Taako,” said Lup, and Taako came back to himself, to look over at her. 

“What?”

“Where’d you go?”

“Someplace new and exciting,” Taako told her, deadpan. “If you’re really nice to me, I’ll take you with me.”

“As if you could go anywhere without me,” Lup said, and her voice went low and throaty - she looked slightly surprised at that, but then she was grinning like some kind of predator. 

Taako made eye contact with her, and he flushed, looked away, then looked back into her eyes, because fuck if he was gonna be afraid of making eye contact with _Lup_. 

She was his heart. 

He was her heart.

The map of the heart is full of great, blank spaces marked “here be dragons,” but it’s still the only place that you can call your home.

He took her hand and he squeezed it, seized with an intensity of feeling that was a bit like drowning - his lungs were screaming and his heart was beating very loud in his ears. 

“I’ll take you anywhere,” he told her, and his voice squeaked, broke. 

“You mean you’ll follow me,” she countered.

“Why not both?”

“You can’t follow and lead at the same time,” said Lup.

Taako rattled off an old bit of Elvish - older Elvish, the kind of stuff that their grandparents probably spoke, lo those many years ago, sybillic and guttural enough that a few of the circus people around them looked up. 

There had been a trite song to go with it, that their aunt had taught them, “just walk beside me and be my friend” had been part of the chorus, and Taako had always found it dumb.

What was the point of other people, if you weren’t going to lead or follow?

… it was different with Lup, but Lup was a different case regardless.

“That’s different,” said Lup, but she was grinning in spite of herself.

Taako grinned back, with all of his teeth.

“I’ve been working on my magic,” she said again. “And I think I’ve got… you know. The thing.”

“The thing?”

“Well, to get rid of the thing,’ said Lup. “I think I’m almost there.”

“Yeah?” 

Taako was… supportive. 

What else was he gonna be?

… well, no, sometimes he was an ass about it, because that was _also_ the way he worked, but there were things you were only… limitedly ass about.

“I just need… you know, a little more. A little more stuff.”

“Stuff?”

“A book,” Lup said. “There’s a bookseller, in the next town over.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” said Lup. “I asked around.”

“Well,” said Taako, “if you’re sure. I dunno who you’d ask around for… you know, that kind of thing, but what do I know.” 

There was a knot of worry, deep inside of his stomach. 

But this would work out.

It would!

Lup turned towards him, and the firelight caught the curve of her cheek, the noble line of her profile, and a piece of his heart sang. 

They were young and beautiful, they were going to live forever.  
That was the way it worked, wasn’t it?

The dragon of his terror lurked on the back of his mind, blowing smoke to fill him up, and he ignored it with all his might, and he smiled at Lup, as the fireflies flickered through them. 

* * *

They lay in their sleeping bag that night, her back against his belly, and he pressed his face into her neck.

“Are you afraid of me doing it?”

Her voice was very quiet, but it was rumbling through her body, against his own.

It made his skin itch. 

“Doing what?”

“Don’t be dumb. You know what I mean.” 

She was warm, and she was soft, her hair a tangled braid over one shoulder.

She was wearing a shirt with the sleeves cut off, and it was dipping off, over one shoulder.

He wanted to kiss it, and he wanted to press his face into her neck, and he wanted to… what?

What _did_ he want, when it came down to it?

He didn’t know - it was all a mush and a mix in his head. 

He wanted… his body wanted something, his brain wanted something, his… everything wanted _something_ , but… well, who was he going to ask about that?

The whole circus was full of strangers, and this… this wasn’t a thing you talked about with strangers.

“Can I ask a weird question?”

It was very dark in the wagon, and the cold box besides them was radiating chill air. 

“Do you ask any other kind?”

Lup made an annoyed noise, and wriggled against him. 

That… that felt interesting. 

He knew about… well, sex. 

He knew the mechanics of it, he knew on an intellectual level that people did it, he knew how he was supposed to do it in theory.

But this was… different from the seedy dirty dancing that went on in the one tent, or the raucous jokes that still kind of went over Taako’s head, but Lup was always laughing at.

(She promised to tell him, some day). 

And there was something weird and complicated building in his lower belly, something that was making him sweat, something that was making him want to move, to stay still..

“I’m afraid that if I… you know, when I do it… when I change… you’ll be mad at me. You’ll think… you’ll think that I don’t want to be like you anymore. That I don’t love you anymore.”

Taako pulled her closer to him, his hand on her chest, and her heart was beating desperately against his palm.

Her nipple was hard, and when she… when she did the thing, the magic, she’d be soft, and he probably wouldn’t be able to do this.

Her heart was beating so hard, and he kissed her bare shoulder, and she sighed, shivering against him, a wave of goosebumps cresting across her back, then making its way across her. 

“I’m gonna be pretty,” Lup said. “When I’m a real girl.”

“You’re already a real girl,” Taako said, as they had this conversation again.

They’d been having this conversation since they were talking.

What would it be like, to not have it anymore?

She rolled over, quite suddenly, and then they were nose to nose, which was… unexpected.

Her eyes were the same color as his - her face was the same as his.

Even in the darkness, he would know her.

She smelled the same, and she was warm and solid and familiar against him.

She pressed her mouth against his, barely any pressure, and then she pulled back.

“What’d you do that for?” 

“Because… we’re not gonna… things are gonna be different,” Lup said. “I want them to be. You want them to be. But there’s… it’s gonna be different.” 

“It’s gonna be better.”

“I’m still scared,” Lup said, and her breath was warm against his face, and then he was leaning forward, and he was kissing her clumsily, like something in a song.

… it wasn’t like a song. 

It was wet, and she tasted like dinner, and her tongue was hot and wet and thick against his lips, and then her tongue was in his mouth, and his tongue was in her mouth, and she was bringing her hand around, to hold on to his back, and she was… she was rolling on top of him, and he stared up at her in the darkness.

She sat up, and he groaned.

“Lup,” he mumbled, “you’re on my stomach.”

“I can tell. It’s all squishy.”

She wriggled, and he groaned. 

“Lup, I’m gonna puke on you if you keep doing that,” Taako groaned. 

“We just had our first kiss, and you say you’re gonna puke on me?!”

“Maybe it wasn’t my first kiss,” he said. 

“It was,” said Lup. “I’d know if it wasn’t.”

“Through what, magic twin powers?”

“Exactly,” Lup said, and then she was rolling onto her side again, pulling him around her.

He curled, and he was shaking, his head spinning.

The air was charged with… something.

He could almost smell… whatever it was, and he clung to her, as familiar as his own self, but different at the same time.

Soon they’d be much more different.

Why was he so scared of that?

And there was that dragon, right on the edge of his mind, and he ignored it again, focusing on the warmth of Lup’s body.

Dragon fire didn’t have to eat you alive, if you were careful.

And he was hard.

That… wasn’t exactly new.

He was still getting used to the idea of it - elves tended to reach sexual maturity at the end of their childhood, and he’d been a child… well for a long time.

He was tired of it, truth be told.

He was tired of… everything that he was leaving behind.

But not Lup.

He’d never be tired of Lup.

Her hair smelled like smoke, and her body was warm against him, and he was hard, he was hard enough that it hurt just a little bit - it was like a fucking rock with a heart beat, and what was he going to do about it?

They were in the dark, and this was some primal shit.

Lup’s nipple was hard under his palm, and her heart was beating very fast.

“When it happens,” she said, her voice vibrating through his own chest, “when… when I do the magic. When _we_ do the magic. I want you to… I want you to check.”

“Check?”

His heart was beating very hard in his ears, between his legs. 

He wanted… he wanted to grab his cock and rub it the way he sometimes did when Lup was asleep. 

But he didn’t want to stop holding her.

He didn’t want to ever stop hurting him.

“Are you… what’s in your pocket?”

Her voice was very quiet.

“You know I don’t have any pockets in my pajamas,” he said, his voice equally quiet.

“Are you… I mean.”

The sentence hung between the two of them, like the last smouldering ember of a fire.

“Sorry,” said Taako. 

“Why’ve you got a boner?”

She sounded like she was trying not to laugh.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” said Taako. “I’m not making it do that.”

He could feel her hair fluttering with his breath. 

“It doesn’t… I mean….”

“Sorry,” said Taako, and then he was rolling onto his other side, so that they were back to back. 

“No, it’s… it’s fine.”

And then she was curled up around him, her nose in his hair. 

"You smell like the campfire," she said.

"I need to wash my hair," said Taako.

It was like being hugged by a mirror image of himself.

It had always been like that.

He sighed, and he shivered as she nuzzled and kissed the back of his neck, delicately.

He wanted... he wanted to roll over and kiss her on the mouth again.

He never wanted to even _think_ of kissing her again.

He wanted to never stop kissing her.

He wanted to tell her not to do the magic, not to ask him for the help with the magic, to stay the same forever - for the both of them to stay the same forever, to be frozen in time.

But it didn't work like that.

You couldn't do that.

So he lay with his back against hers, as her breath made her back shift against his, and he willed for his cock to go down, and dreamed about dragons. 

* * * 

He dreamed of Lup. 

Or maybe it wasn't Lup - he didn't know.

But he was an adult, and she was an adult, and she had his face, only not exactly his face, because it was a woman's face, if he had a woman's face.

... it made sense in dream logic.

And she kissed him, and she was the only person he saw, and he held her, and he was... in his dream, he was hard, only it wasn't weird in his dream, it was alright - it was more than alright - and she was... she was pressing closer to him, she was kissing him, he was kissing her, until they were pressed so close together that their bodies merged, became one being, and her heart beat inside/outside his own heart.

And there was a different man - a man he didn't know, a man who he wanted with all of his heart, but only part of his heart, because the other part of his heart was Lup, but she was... she was okay with it, and he wanted this strange man, he wanted to stay being this person who was two people who was one person, he wanted to kiss this man, to do... something. 

Taako woke up, shaking, to find Lup staring at him, her eyes practically glowing in the dimness.

"What were you dreaming about?"

Her tone was mild.

She was pressed so close to him that her voice rumbled through his whole body. 

"I... I don't know," Taako said, and that was true, more or less. "There was a man."

"Yeah? What was he like?"

"He was beautiful. And he was... you were there too. And you were beautiful."

Taako was still hard, achingly, painfully hard, and he wasn't even thinking when he leaned in and kissed her, and it was a sloppy, awkward kiss, all bumped noses and clicking teeth.

Lup made a surprised nose, and she jerked back.

"What was that for?"

"I had... in my dream. It was... it was complicated," Taako said. "But there was a guy. But also we were the same person."

"... we were the same person," she said, her tone deadpan.

"You were there," he said, "but we were... one person. Not exactly the same person. But we were kissing a guy."

"What'd this guy look like?"

"He looked... he looked like he did something important," Taako said, and god, he was so hard, he should have masturbated before he went to sleep, but now Lup was so close to him, and he could feel... he could feel her ass against him. 

"Would you ever want to... like, kiss a guy?"

Lup sounded nervous.

"Yeah," said Taako. "Yeah, I think I want to kiss a guy. I'd... I'd like that a lot."

"Do you want to kiss me because I look like a guy?"

Lup was stiff against him, and her breathing was shallow.

"You don't look like a guy," Taako said. 

"I look like you," Lup said.

"I don't really look like a guy either," Taako said. “At least, not a human guy, or a dwarf. I guess I kinda look like an elf guy, but… you know, it’s complicated and shit.”

"Do you think... do you think you're maybe not a guy?"

Taako shrugged.

"I think I am," he said, "but I dunno."

It was easier to say when they were in the dark like this.

"Would you ever want to... I mean, the magic should work both ways."

"I don't... I'm okay with what I've got," Taako said. "Or at least, I think I am. Maybe I won't be later."

"That's pretty insightful," Lup said.

"Don't sound so shocked," Taako said. "I can be insightful." 

"I know," said Lup. "Why are you so... horny?"

Taako blushed at the... visceral vulgarity of the word.

It was weird - they swore all the time around each other, they'd both worked the dirty dancing tent collecting money in a hat, they'd done all sorts of things that were probably not “age appropriate.”

But that was never… just the two of them. 

It was always part of the show, some outside force coming in on them.

Not the two of them and the humming cold box.

“I want to touch you,” Lup said, her voice quiet. 

“You are touching me,” said Taako. 

“When you… when I get changed, I want you to check me,” said Lup, and she sounded nervous, which was unusual. 

“Check?”

“Make sure it’s… you know, it’s normal.”

“Why wouldn’t it be normal?”

“I don’t know! I’m just scared!”

“I’m sorry,” Taako said, and he nuzzled into her hair, and kissed her shoulder again.

Her skin was warm against his. 

“So you’ll do it?”

“I’ll do it.” 

What was he even agreeing to?

Fucked if he knew.

“But… if you’re gonna do that for me, I want to do it for you too.”

“Lup,” Taako said, “I don’t… you don’t have to check me. I’m not getting any new parts.”

“Still.”

“No still. This isn’t equal opportunity feel your sibling’s genitals or whatever. You want me to… do you a favor.”

Lup began to giggle, then to cackle, an ugly, joyous sound, and then they were both pulled out of their reverie by the door to their wagon pulling open, and they were staring into the face of the cook.

It was still dark out, but the sky was more grey than dark. 

“You two are up early,” said the cook, and he was looking at them both with that look that Taako was beginning to recognize. 

The sweep across his face, the way the eye followed the lovely curve of of his jaw, the elegant sweep of his nose. The brief moment of eye contact, then the eyes across his slender shoulders, his long arms and legs.

The way his face and Lup’s face mirrored each other almost perfectly, and the way people’s eyes darted back and forth between them.

“We’re always ready to be helpful,” Lup chirped in her obnoxious helpful voice.

“Well, get the cold box ready,” said the cook. “I need the eggs.”

“Of course,” said Lup.

Taako pressed his hand against the cold metal, let it seep into his overheated frame

That, at least, finally made his cock go down. 

Thankfully.

* * * 

Life in the circus went on. 

Things happened - things always happened.

Taako nearly burnt his fingers off grabbing a pan at the wrong moment, Lup snuck into the lion cage just to prove that she could.

They kissed in the dark some more.

They didn’t do much beyond kissing - Taako knew Lup didn’t want to… well, be touched at certain points of her body, which, fair enough.

Taako wasn’t gonna push.

He didn’t even know what he would be pushing _for_.

At the end of the day… this was Lup.

The dragon in the back of his mind stayed crouched, holding its breath.

Something was going to… happen, and Taako knew it, and Lup knew that Taako knew, and Taako knew that Lup knew that Taako knew….

And then it was like a serpent, or a dragon, since his brain was stuck on that same tired metaphor.

* * *

Lup disappeared for a day.

They were right outside town, and she told him she’d be doing… something, and to mind his business.

He’d followed her, until she’d caught him following her, at which point she’d put him in a headlock and threatened to set his hair on fire.

So he kept his distance.

He didn’t want to.

He scrubbed pots, he dished out food, he made up excuses for Lup. 

There was a lot of smoke coming from the direction of the village at one point, but… that wasn’t his problem.

Unless Lup needed him.

But he didn’t… think she needed him.

The cook caught his antsiness - the guy even made vaguely sympathetic noises.

“Your sister will be alright,” he told Taako, as Taako nearly dropped a plate.

“She’s fine,” Taako said reflexively. 

“Of course she is,” said the cook. “She’d kill you if you thought otherwise.”

“... fair,” said Taako, and he smiled a bit in spite of himself.

The cook smiled back, and... wow, okay.

The cook was pretty good looking, for a human - he had a red beard, and his eyes were a dark blue.

Taako was blushing. 

He was aware that he was blushing, as his eyes passed over the cook’s chest.

“What’s your name?”

Taako hadn’t even realized he was going to blurt it out, until it came out of his mouth.

The cook raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve been working with me for three months, and you don’t know my name?”

“Everyone calls you “the cook,”” Taako said, and he was still blushing.

What would it feel like, to run his hands across the cook’s chest?

It looked solid - there was some extra flesh there, and he had a belly, and Taako was struck with the urge to touch it, to slide his hand under the cook’s shirt, feel the body hair, the padding of fat.

Elves didn’t have much in the way of body hair - it was practically exotic, as far as Taako saw things.

“It’s Marcus,” said the cook, and he grinned at Taako. “Took you long enough to learn it, huh?”

“Yeah,” Taako said, and he was blushing so hard that his ears were probably red.

He was hot all over, he was… he was hard, oh fuck, no, that wasn’t a thing he was going to deal with.

He pulled the pot closer to his lap and kept scrubbing it. 

… Marcus was good looking, for a human. 

There was something almost _perverse_ about this… whatever kind of attraction it was that Taako was feeling, but fuck it.

His heart was beating very hard, and then he was looking up into Marcus’ eyes again, and Marcus looked amused.

“You’re kind of an asshole,” Marcus said, and he patted Taako on the shoulder, then kept it there, just a little longer than it needed to be. “But you’re alright.”

“Right,” Taako said, his tongue thick and stupid in his mouth.

Why wasn’t he verbally eviscerating this guy?

Why did he want Marcus to keep touching him?

Oh god.

“But,” Marcus said cheerfully, “since Lup has gone missing, you’ve got her share of dishes too.”

“Thank you,” Taako said, because all he could think about now was kissing someone with a beard, and if that would rasp against his face.

Oh fuck.

“Really?”

Marcus raised an eyebrow, and then he was walking away, and coming back with his arms full of pots.

Marcus had… Marcus had a lot of muscles.

A lot a lot of muscles.

Taako wanted to squeeze them. 

He wanted to… bite them.

… wait, what?

Taako came back to himself, more or less, and then he was scrubbing again, not thinking about what he was doing, not thinking of anything, just clearing his head.

Was he turning into a cannibal or some shit like that?

Could spending too much time around people who weren’t elves do that to you?

No, right?

He wanted… he didn’t know what he wanted.

No, that was a lie.

He wanted his sister back. 

She’d be back soon, hopefully.

She had to be. 

* * *

Lup came back that night, toting a very big book, her expression wild, her robes singed.

She crawled into the wagon next to Taako, and she clung to him.

She smelled more like smoke than usual, and something bitter. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, in his ear.

“Mmm?”

Taako sat up, looking at her in the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Lup said again, “but I got it.”

“You got it?”

“Yeah,” said Lup. “I just had to… you know, burn some stuff down.”

“I sensed,” Taako said, his voice dry.

“But we can do… you know, the magic. I found the thing for it. We just have to wait for the next full moon.”

“Full moon?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” said Taako, and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her.

She was shaking - from excitement, from anxiety, from something else… who knew.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, right into her ear.

“I’m sorry I went without you,” she said. 

“It’s okay,” he said, and it almost was.

* * *

The circus moved on.

Marcus yelled at Lup for disappearing, and Taako tried not to stare at the way the muscles of Marcus’ arms bulged when he did it. 

Lup planned, and “borrowed” clothes from some of the ladies.

As far as Taako could tell, everyone… knew that Lup was a girl, or maybe they just didn’t ask. 

Humans had trouble with elves.

But then, it was a full moon.

* * *

They snuck out - of course they snuck out - and stood under a copse of trees.

There were… there were things they had to do with this.

There was ritual magic and other kinds of magic, magic that Taako didn’t really understand, except that it was scratching some itch inside of himself.

This magic was complex and _weird_ , and it was older than any magic he’d ever used before. 

It was like singing before he’d ever spoken, running before he’d ever used his legs before.

And Lup… Lup changed.

He didn’t have words for it, except that she was different now, as she fell over, the moonlight still arcing off of her like lightning, and she was… okay, she was soft, around her chest, but not a lot of it - barely that much different from before.

He looked into her face, and it wasn’t his face anymore. 

It wasn’t… not his face either, though. 

A mirror that was warped, but just a little bit.

He held on to her, as she woke up from whatever deep sleep she had been in, and then she was staring at him, her eyes wide.

“Taako?”

Her voice was just a little different.

More different than it had been, 

Maybe it was just the moonlight.

“Hi,” said Taako. 

“Am I hot now?”

She sounded… nervous.

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” said Taako. 

Lup punched him. 

He poked her in the side.

Her skin was softer - maybe it was all the magic. 

“I should be… less naked,” she said, and then she was turning around, and... okay, he could see the definition of her hips now.

Those were… those were actual hips. 

Well, he had hips. 

Of course he had hips. 

His legs were attached to his body.

Maybe he was gibbering like something that had seen one of the outer things.

What the fuck was he going to do now?

“Look at me!”

Lup was… overjoyed.

The kind of overjoyed that he’d never heard before.

And then she was looking at him, and he was looking at her, and he just… took her in.

“Taako,” Lup said, and there were actual tears tracking down her face, “Takko, I have _boobs_!”

“You do,” Taako said. 

He was a bit dazed.

How could he not be?

“Feel them!”

She grabbed his hand, putting it on her breast, and he squeezed it.

Her nipple was hard against his palm, and her breast was soft, heavy. 

Oh. 

“Wow,” said Taako.

“I know, right?”

“I think we should move,” said Taako. “Since you’re… really naked.”

“I am,” Lup said, looking down the line of her body. 

She was staring at her chest, specifically - she was still holding on to her breasts, as if she was afraid they’d disappear.

“And you’re sure that the magic is gonna hold?”

“Pretty fucking sure,” said Taako, and he grinned at her. “You’d doubt me?”

“God forbid I doubt you,” said Lup, and she grinned back at him, and her face was… it was different, but it was still her face, and his heart was still singing. 

He’d never seen her so happy before.

He was… well, he’d been afraid. 

And he still was. 

But… fuck it. 

* * *  
“Bro,” Lup said, about a week later, when the two of them lay next to each other in the storage shed, hip to hip. 

“Mmm?”

Taako was two thirds asleep, daydreaming about Marcus’ arms. 

It was… it was something.

It was something complicated, but he was beginning to be okay with it. 

She smelled different. 

Not bad, but not like him anymore.

“Will you….”

“Will I?”

Lup rolled onto her side, and then her breasts were pressing into his side, and her hand was on his hip, pulling him closer. 

“You said you’d look at… you know, my new stuff.”

“You haven’t looked at it yet?”

“... I’ve been nervous,” Lup said, and she sounded embarrassed. 

“What’re you nervous about?”

Taako rolled onto his side, so that they were nose to nose. 

They’d kissed a few more times, since she’d changed, but Lup had seemed to be a bit… in her own world.

It was the first time she’d had something that was all her own, and he didn’t… want to take that from her.

The feelings he was getting for Marcus, whatever they were, those were his own. They were his own weird, complicated thing that made his heart flutter, his cheeks turn pink, his cock hard. 

It was a scary, fragile sort of thing - to realize that the person who you’d shared a womb with was becoming someone different, that you yourself were becoming someone else. 

But fuck it. 

He still loved her - she was his heart, and he was her heart. 

The dragon in the back of his mind was still there - maybe it would always be there - but he could live with it. 

“What if something is… wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“You know. Like, if we did anything wrong when we were… making it.”

“I’d never make a mistake while doing something so important,” Taako countered.

“Do you even know what a pussy looks like?”

“I’ve been in the cooch dancing tent!”

“So have I. Rita keeps telling me I should join, since I’ve got new titties.”

“Don’t you have to be older than… well, you are.”

“Technically, I’m her age,” said Lup, and they were both giggling, forehead to forehead, and the anxiety that had been growing in Taako’s chest began to disperse.

“So… what do you want me to do?”

He was trying to sound casual. 

Like he wasn’t offering… he didn’t know what.

“Can you… can you feel it? See if anything feels wrong?”

“Why haven’t you done that?”

His hand was on her belly now, and it was warm and firm under his palm. 

“I’ve been afraid,” she said. “It’s… it’s dumb, that I’ve got this thing… that I’m the way I’m supposed to be. But it still feels… you know, it feels… different. I don’t wanna say wrong. But it’s like… it’s like if you’ve been wearing shoes that don’t fit your whole life, and then you put on comfortable shoes that fit, and then when you put them on, your feet are still used to being… you know. Different. Uncomfortable. So maybe you hold your feet in the bad position anyway.”

Taako nodded, not really getting it, but making vague encouraging noises.

“Of course,” he said, and his voice was quiet, as he reached between her legs, into her pants.

It was… smooth. 

Soft.

His forehead was pressed against hers, and she was clutching at his shirt. 

She was shaking. 

“What does it feel like?”

“I’ve never touched one before,” Taako said. 

“Yeah, but you’ve seen ‘em. You’d know if it was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

“You don’t have any… you know, hair. Like Rita and all of them.”

“They’re human,” said Lup. “We don’t work like that.”

“I know, just… that’s my only point of reference,” said Taako. 

“... do you think maybe you don’t like girls?”

Taako’s fingers stilled, resting on… some rise of flesh that was soft and warm against his hand. 

“I don’t know,” he said. “I like… I think I like Marcus.”

“Who’s Marcus?”

“The cook.”

“Oh.” 

More silence, and Taako’s hand paused. 

The texture changed, but nothing felt… wrong, as far as he could tell.

There was… warmth, and then he was sliding his finger between… something, and it was slippery. 

“Oh,” Lup said, her voice thick. “Oh, that’s… that’s….”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” Lup said. “No, do… hold on.”

She grabbed Taako’s hand, and she guided it, and then his fingertip was against something small, slippery, and hard.

Her hips twitched forward, and he was getting hard.

Um. 

“Nothing feels… wrong, as far as I can tell,” he said, and he cleared his throat.

He was blushing.

He didn’t know why - this was _Lup_. 

“Can you… can you put your finger… in me?”

“Lulu, I’m already in you,” Taako said. 

“No, hold on,” said Lup, and then she was guiding his hand, again, and his finger was… sliding inside of her.

It was tight, and he… he wasn’t sure he liked the sensation against his fingertip. 

“Oh,” Lup said, and she bit back a moan. “Oh, Taako. That’s… right there.”

“Like that?”

He dipped his finger inside of her, and her hips rocked forward.

“Yeah,” Lup said. “Does it feel… does anything feel wrong? Or extra, or tentacles, or something?”

“Tentacles? You think I’d give you _tentacles?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Lup said, and she sounded self conscious, but she was giggling. “Thanks for… thanks for doing this.”

“Of course,” said Taako. “Am I supposed to get all protective of your honor now or something?”

“I don’t fucking know,” said Lup, and that brought around another bunch of giggles, which made her internal muscles flutter around him, which made his cock… full on twitch.

Oh god.

Taako swallowed, and his throat clicked.

“I can… can I touch you?”

Lup sounded so… vulnerable. 

Not what he expected.

“Okay,” he said, unsure what else to say.

“I used to… you know, feel kinda weird about it. About yours. Because I didn’t like mine, and I was afraid… I don’t even know,” said Lup, and then she was reaching into his pants, and her hand was small and warm, and it was squeezing his cock.

He shuddered, and his hips rocked forward.

His thumb found that one spot that made her shudder, and she twitched, as she began to stroke him.

“This is so fucked up,” Taako said, his voice quiet. 

“What is?”

“That you’re… touching me like this. I’m touching you like this. I don’t fucking know.”

Taako’s forehead was against hers, and he was breathing her breath.

This was primal shit, here in the dark. 

He kissed her, to stop the conversation, and he kept touching her, kept letting her touch him, as they moved around, until she was curled against his belly again, only this time….

He’d shoved his pants down, her pants were down around her ankles, and he had slid his cock between her legs.

Not inside of her - he was… he was a little afraid of that, of what that would mean, although fucked if he knew what it meant. 

There are some dragons better left in their caves.

But he was pressed between her thighs, and she was hot and wet against his cock, and the thing he’d been rubbing with his thumb was up against his shaft, and she was shuddering against him, her thighs squeezing him in a vice.

It was dark, and the small space was _hot_ , for once, so hot, they were both sweating, both pressed together, and then she was… she was going stiff against him, and she was sobbing, clutching his arm hard enough to leave nail marks.

And he… he was… he was having an orgasm.

The pressure at the base of his spine was cracking like an egg, and he was… it was leaving his body, it was making him shake, and the pleasure was sweet, almost painful, and he was sagging forward, panting like he’d been running, and Lup was making a disgusted noise.

“Ew!”

“Sorry,” Taako said, into the back of her neck. 

“Make it up to me,” she said.

“You got me all sticky too, y’know,” he grumbled, retrieving his cock from between her legs, his own legs still shaking.

“... we should air this place out,” Lup said, and she was starting to giggle now. “It smells.”

Taako was starting to laugh as well, laugh harder, and then the two of them were just… together.

It was okay.

It was Lup and Taako, the way it had always been, and the rest of the world might have been out there, but right here and now… it was just the two of them.

They were young, and they were beautiful, and the whole world was theirs for the taking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _you can’t begin to think through_   
>  _what it takes to fill up a body like this._   
>  _It takes everything pretty_   
>  _and everything true_   
>  _and you stick yourself in a cave because_   
>  _your want is bigger than you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was done with this too. Go figure.

The elves are a secretive people.

There are a variety of reasons for this, some of them due to internal elf logic, which might not make much sense to outsiders. 

Some of them are just related to... well, look.

Elves had to keep up appearances, after all. 

They were regal, they were beautiful, they were strong.

And they didn't cry ugly.

That was one of the things that Taako knew in his heart of hearts, in his very _bones_ , except he was sitting in the dirt, a ways away from camp, and he was crying like his heart was breaking.

His heart was breaking.

That was the only explanation.

He was crying so hard he was a little bit afraid that he was going to throw up, as he held on to himself, rocking back and forth, panting like he'd run a race.

At least he was being relatively quiet - he would periodically cover his mouth with one hand to keep from being too noisy.

Except that there was someone coming towards him, and they were loud and clumsy - it was probably a dwarf or a human.

Taako did his best to wipe his nose on his arm, to dry his eyes, to look some kind of put together, as the crashing and stomping nearby finally made its way to his tree.

In the dim light, he could just make out... Marcus?

For some reason, the sight of his boss and sort of crush got Taako crying again, and it wasn't even the proper stoic elf crying, but ugly sobbing.

Marcus made a confused noise, but then he was opening his arms, and he was holding Taako to his chest, making soothing noises.

Taako wasn't sure what to make of that.

He could feel Marcus's chest hair, through the thin fabric of his shirt, and Marcus was rubbing his back, as Taako sobbed into Marcus's shoulder.

Taako was aware, in this moment, just how unlovely he was. 

He didn't have the ethereal beauty of an adult elf yet, and he'd lost his pudgy cuteness that came with being a child.

He was just... elbows, knees, long legs, long arms. 

And now his nose was red and running, his eyes were equally red, his whole complexion was probably off.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Marcus's voice was rumbling through Taako's chest. 

"I'm sorry," Taako said, aware how rare it was for him to apologize, equally aware of how self conscious he was in this very moment.

"It's fine," said Marcus, and he kept holding Taako.

"Lup was, uh, she's been hanging out with the dancers more. Since, um... since she... filled out a bit."

"Do elves always fill out that fast?"

"... yes," said Taako, because it wasn't like he was going to tell the truth.

"Huh," said Marcus. "So you're a boy, then?"

"You thought I was a girl?!"

Taako sat up, and he was actually _glaring_ at Marcus.

"You guys are elves," Marcus said, his tone defensive. "I can't tell. Anyway, you're identical."

"Fair enough," said Taako, because he didn't want to make it any weirder. 

"But yeah," said Marcus, as there was an awkward pause. 

"Yeah?"

"You guys are really... close," said Marcus.

"Yeah," said Taako, his voice quiet. 

"So Lup hanging out with the dancers bothers you?"

"She was... she was kissing Ruthy," Taako said, and he was staring down at his hands. 

"Oh," said Marcus.

Marcus was close enough that he seemed to be radiating heat - it was like standing next to the stove.

"And she didn't... tell me," Taako said, aware of how he sounded, not sure how he was going to explain it better.

"What do you mean?"

"She didn't tell me that she liked Ruthy," said Taako, and he shoved his hands in his pockets, looking up at the trees, which were blocking out the sky. "And we tell each other... everything."

"Yeah?"

"Well, almost everything," said Taako.

He hadn't mentioned his crush on Marcus to Lup. 

Maybe that was why she hadn't told him.

But... still.

"I wanna kiss you," Taako told Marcus, out of nowhere, because fuck it. 

Maybe he was drunk on emotions.

"What?"

"You. I want to kiss you."

"Oh. Um."

Marcus was blushing.

Taako grabbed the sides of Marcus's head with his own hands, and he stood on his tiptoes.

He kissed Marcus, and Marcus didn't pull away, just stayed stock still.

And then Marcus was pulling Taako closer, kissing Taako with his whole mouth, his fingers in Taako's hair.

Kissing someone with a beard was... a lot different.

He'd kissed Lup, but she didn't have a beard.

Taako's heart was beating very fast in his ears, in his chest, and he was beginning to shake.

He was kissing someone.

He was kissing someone who wasn't Lup, he was holding someone who wasn't Lup, someone who wasn't Lup had their tongue in his mouth. 

And his cock was so hard, and his face was so hot, and he could barely breathe, but it didn’t matter.

Nothing matter, except that he could smell Marcus, and Marcus’s tongue was hot and wet, and Marcus’s cock was hard against his thigh.

“Fuck,” Marcus said, his voice thick. 

Taako pulled back, and he looked at Marcus, his expression cautious.

“You’re… you’re a kid,” said Marcus. “How old are you?”

Taako told him.

“You’re older than me,” said Marcus, and he sounded slightly stunned.

Taako shrugged.

“I’m an elf,” he pointed out.

“But still,” said Marcus. 

And then he was kissing Taako - maybe that made him feel better, knowing just how old Taako was.

And this was… this was different from kissing Lup.

With Lup, there was a familiarity; she was his heart, and he was her heart, and they belonged to each other.

Marcus was… Marcus was new.

Marcus was very new.

Marcus tasted different, felt different, sounded different….

Marcus was covered in muscle, in hair.

He was so much… bigger than Taako was, so much stronger in some ways. 

Not so much in others.

When Taako kissed Lup, he was aware of her magic humming right under her skin. 

Marcus didn’t have any magic.

And Marcus’s hands were on Taako’s ass, squeezing it, kneading it, and Taako was grinding forward against Marcus’s thigh, which was now pushed between Taako’s legs.

Taako rolled his hips, grabbing tightly at Marcus’s shoulders, and his forehead was pressed against Marcus’s, as Marcus kissed him again, and then Taako was just… grabbing between Marcus’s legs, because what else was he going to do?

Taako wasn't entirely running on… logic. 

And Marcus’s cock was… was there. 

It was hot and thick in Taako’s hand, and Marcus was arching his back, thrusting into Taako’s hand, and Marcus made a needy sound. 

“You're… direct,” Marcus said, his voice thick. 

“Other people have appreciated it,” said Taako, lying through his teeth.

“You've done this before, then?”

Marcus’s face did… something. Taako didn't entirely understand it. 

“Oh yeah,” said Taako. “I've, uh… I've felt plenty of people.”

“Have you?”

“Oh yeah,” said Taako. “Plenty.”

“Do you want to keep feeling me?”

“Yes,” said Taako. “God, yes, please!”

“Well, I mean, if you're gonna ask so nicely,” said Marcus, and he was taking Taako’s hand in his own, curving it around the bulge of his cock. 

Marcus had hair on the backs of his knuckles, and hair on his arms. 

It was wiry against Taako’s own soft skin.

Taako wasn’t sure if he liked it yet.

But damned if he wasn’t going to try things.

Especially if Lup was going to… going to be kissing people, without even telling Taako about it!

Was he mad at her for kissing someone else?

Or just for not telling him?

… did he even know?

Was he just afraid?

Taako wasn’t really one for self reflection - there were dragons in the back of his mind, and he didn’t need to look into those teeth.

And then he was getting on his knees, and he was shoving Marcus’s pants down, because… he’d seen this done, a few times. 

Taako could be quiet, when he wanted to be, and nobody really paid attention to the two kids who mainly worked in the kitchen.

So he saw a lot of stuff.

He’d even Marcus doing it, a few times.

Not that Taako was going to think too hard about any of that.

Okay.

That… that was a penis.

Almost all of Taako’s experience with penises was in regards to his own.

Lup had kept herself to herself before they’d done that one bit of magic, and Taako… hadn’t exactly known what it was that he was expecting.

But now it was in front of his face, and he could… he could do this.

He knew the very, very basics, right?

Don’t bite, don’t do anything too… pointy.

Humans had more skin on their dicks - good to know.

And okay, it was a bit… ripe - not a bad smell, per se, but not exactly what Taako was used to.

But fuck it.

He was going to fucking do this.

He opened his mouth, and he took Marcus’s cock into his mouth.

It tasted… it tasted salty, and like skin, and it was heavy on his tongue.

He sucked on it, clumsily, then with a bit more finesse, his hands on Marcus’s hips, beginning to bob his head.

He was sucking, and he was moving his head, and then there was a hand on top of his head, tugging on his hair, and he looked up at Marcus, who was looking down at him.

“Your eyes catch the light,” said Marcus, “and it’s kinda creepy.”

“I’m sorry,” said Taako, and he made to sit up.

“I didn’t say to stop,” Marcus said quickly. “Just that it feels a little bit like getting head from a cat or something.”

“If I was a cat I feel like I’d be more pointy,” said Taako, aware that he was stalling.

But then he was sucking Marcus again, and it was… he wasn’t sure how much he liked it, but he was beginning to realize he liked it.

His hand was sliding between his legs, and he was… he was rubbing his own cock, through his pants, as he sucked and drooled down his chin.

If this wasn’t too weird.

He took it deeper into his mouth, and was mildly surprised that he wasn’t gagging. 

Marcus was beginning to shudder, and his cock was getting hotter.

He took Marcus as deep into his mouth as he could get, and he squeezed his own cock, remembering how it felt to have his cock between Lup’s thighs, and he shuddered.

He lost track of time, between the intensity of the pleasure he was feeling, and the strangeness of the act. 

Until Marcus was yanking on his hair, which… ow, and then… ow, oh god, ew, ew, ew….

Taako pulled back, aware that his expression was offended, aware he probably looked dumb, but… urrgh. 

“Your first time having someone jizz in your mouth, huh?”

Marcus looked slightly amused. 

“No,” said Taako, once again lying, and he spat the bitter, salty goo onto the floor. 

“Well,” said Marcus, and he cupped Taako’s cheek, “I’m sorry about that.”

“Thank you,” said Taako, aware that he sounded oddly formal. 

He seemed to be observing everything from a bit far away - maybe it was the newness of the whole thing, or the strangeness. 

He came back to himself, more or less, and looked up at Marcus, and Taako… wanted.

He thought about Lup, and he wanted - thought about Marcus, and wanted.

He wanted them, he wanted… he wanted sex, he wanted love, he didn’t know what he wanted, except he wanted _all_ of it.

… he was never going to be the type for a unicorn, was he? Nothing pure about him. 

His wanting was so big that it was going to eat him alive - he wanted everything, he realized.

What even _was_ everything?

Taako shuddered, and he kissed Marcus again, and Marcus sucked on Taako’s lips, held Taako closer, his hands on Taako’s hips, on the back of Taako’s head, cradling Taako’s skull in his big hands.

Taako shuddered, and his hips ground forward, his cock hard and desperate, throbbing like a rotten tooth in his pants.

Marcus’s hand was hot as it wrapped around Taako’s cock, and Taako shuddered, his hips juddering forward, his head thrown back, his mouth wide open.

“You feel so good,” Taako mumbled, and it was true - better than his own hands, that was for sure.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Taako said, and his hips were rolling.

“Your dick feels… different,” said Marcus, and he squeezed.

“We don’t have… the extra skin,” Taako said, his voice thick.

“Huh,” said Marcus, and he was still rubbing Taako’s cock, doing… things.

Things that Taako didn’t know, except that it was making his cock pulse, and his belly was practically going concave, as he ground into Marcus’s hand. 

“That’s it,” Marcus said, right in Taako’s ear. “C’mon… just like that. Just… like… that….”

Taako came into Marcus’s hand, his hips twitching, and he was trying to catch his breath, he was… he was crying.

Taako was crying again, ugly crying, and Marcus made an alarmed noise, wrapping his arms around Taako.

… one hand was still covered in Taako’s cum, and it was soaking into Taako’s shirt.

_Ew_.

“Hey,” Marcus said, and his voice was rough. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine,” Taako said, and then he was blubbering some more, as he held on tightly to Marcus.

“You’re just a kid,’ Marcus said, and Taako’s back went stiff, as Marcus kept holding him. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“You don’t know that,” Taako said, in an accusing tone of voice.

“Well, no,” said Marcus, “but… it will have to eventually. Even if it’s just because of the eventual heat death of the universe, it has to be something.”

Taako gave another choking, bubbling sob, and then he kissed Marcus, pressing his chest against Marcus’s, the prickle of Marcus’s chest hair somehow grounding.

“It’ll be okay,” Marcus said, his voice quiet. “Go talk to your sister about it.”

“You think I should?”

“Yeah,” said Marcus. “Tell her you love her. Tell her you want to be a part of her life.”

“How do you know all of this stuff?”

Taako wiped his eyes, still sniffling, but beginning to calm down, at least. 

“Chef magic,” said Marcus, wiggling his fingers comically.

There was still some dried jizz on his palm.

Taako rolled his eyes.

“I mean it,” said Marcus. “Go talk to your sister.”

“Easy for you to say,” Taako grumbled.

“You’re right. It is.”

Marcus pulled his pants back up. 

“You gonna head back to camp?”

“In a bit,” said Taako. “I’m just gonna… sit some more.”

“Just make sure you’re up in time to get breakfast started,” said Marcus, and then he was gone, into the darkness like a shadow.

Taako sighed, staring up at the stars, still tingling, his mouth still faintly bitter.

He wasn’t some milk and rosewater chica, was he?

He was just… made of wanting.

He wanted to eat the whole world, if he could.

With a grunt, he got up, and went to find Lup.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I could be big for them_   
>  _I could hold them all_   
>  _My belly could be a city_   
>  _where everyone was so loved_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna exhaust the whole poem, if I keep this up!

Lup was sitting up in their pile of quilts, and she was looking bright eyed, her hair ruffled.

“Hi,” said Lup. 

“Hi,” said Taako, kept his tone neutral, calm.

Lup liked like some kind of maiden, like something out of a song. 

She looked like she could get a unicorn to put its head in her lap, and here was Taako, his mouth still tasting like… well, jizz.

He’d never been more aware of how much of a dragon he felt like - her blood would be like some fancy perfume and clotted cream, milk and rosewater.

And here he was….

“Taako? What’s wrong?”

Lup frowned at him.

And he… just dissolved.

He didn’t want to.

He was going to be calm, blase, he was going to show her how much more mature he was, how much _better_ he was, how he was a real live grown up. 

And instead… he was crying.

Again.

Crying into another chest.

Why was he crying so much lately?

“Taako?”

She sounded so… worried, and he clung to her dress - she wore dresses now, even, and he clung to the flowery fabric, so thin it was almost going to tear under his fingers.

“Lulu,” Taako said, and he made an inelegant noise, a bubbling sort of snort, and then he was sobbing into her tits again, and now they really were tits, soft and warm against his cheek, and he… was it wrong that he missed her?

The old her.

The her that looked like him.

But no.

That wasn’t right.

This was who she was supposed to be, and how was she wanted to be, and it wasn’t fair of _him_ to want her to be different, except that… it wasn’t the face he had grown up with.

He missed her.

Except she was here.

And he was crying harder.

“You’re the worst,” Lup said. “You are. You’re having a full blown… I don’t fuckin’ know, but you’re having it, and now you’re not telling me what it is.”

“Lulu,” said Taako, and he rubbed his nose, “Lulu, I… I miss you.”

“What do you mean, you miss me? I’m right here.”

“I mean… I miss….” 

Taako sighed, and he wiped his nose. 

“You miss?”

“I miss not crying every five fucking minutes,” Taako grumbled. 

“Why were you crying?”

“Because,” said Taako, “I’m a jerk!”

“I mean, you are,” said Lup, “but that’s never bothered you before.”

And then he was crying and laughing at the same time, and she was holding him.

“... Lup?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you… are you happy? The way you look, I mean. The way you… the way you _are_ now.”

“Yeah,” said Lup, and she looked baffled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know. Because it’s so… different. Because you’re so different.”

“But I’m not,” said Lup. “I’m just me. I’ve always been me.”

“Yeah, but… but you used to be like me. And now you’re not.”

“I mean,” said Lup, “I’ve always been like this. You know. Inside.”

“Yeah, but… I wasn’t _inside_ , I was on the outside. I only knew your outside.” 

“Do you… do you miss old me? Old… outside me, I mean.”

Lup looked guilty. 

“You’re not gonna ask me to change back, are you?” 

She looked… he didn’t understand what her face was doing. 

“No,” Taako said. “No, god no, I’d never ask for that, no.”

“Are you sure? If… if I’m making you unhappy -”

“Fuck if I’m unhappy or whatever,” Taako said, and he was hugging her again, so tightly that she probably was having trouble breathing. “I know what this means to you. It’s… I know what’s important to you, and I know that you couldn’t live… live like you were living.”

“You mean before I changed?”

“Yeah.” 

“So why are you so upset about it?”

“I… I don’t know,” Taako said. “Because you’re… because people look at you, and they see who you are, and you’re… for all your life, you haven’t looked like yourself, and now you do, and people are seeing you as… you, and I… I don’t know. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know who I’m gonna be, I don’t know anything about myself, except that… I’m your brother, but if _you’re_ changing into someone, what does that mean that I’m turning into? Am I going to change? What if… what if you change so much that you leave me behind? What if I’m… what if I’m like this for the rest of my life? What if you end up being cool and kissing girls and I’m just… the weird elf kid who once had some kind of sister but now doesn’t, what am I going to do? What… who am I?” 

“You’re Taako,” said Lup. “What else do you need to know?” She paused. “Wait. You saw me kissing someone?”

“You were kissing Ruthy,” said Taako. 

“Oh,” said Lup. “I was gonna tell you about that.”

“What were you gonna tell me?”

“That I wanted to try kissing someone I wasn’t related to,” said Lup.

“Oh,” said Taako. 

He hadn’t thought of it like that.

“I… I wish you told me. I wish you told me… I wish you told me about the stuff in your head. I wish I knew… I wish I knew what you felt. I used to be able to read your face like… like some kind of book I’d been reading my whole life. And now it’s like… it’s like the book was written in a new language. A language I only know two or three words of, and it’s all… it’s all so confusing.”

“I… I don’t know what I’m thinking,” said Lup. 

She sat back, drawing her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. 

“No?” 

Taako looked at her, his eyes practically glittering in the dimness. 

He hadn’t been aware that human eyes didn’t catch the light, until Marcus had pointed it out. 

“I just… I’m still me,” said Lup. “But everyone else… treats me differently. Even you.”

“I’m sorry,” said Taako, and he meant it, too. 

.. more or less.

Lup shrugged.

“My meat sack is now a different sort of meat sack,” said Lup. “I guess people just… react to it in different ways.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? Are you reacting to my meat sack?”

“I mean, kind of,” said Taako, and then he was starting to laugh, and okay, it was ugly, ugly laughing, but it was still laughing. “... also I gave Marcus a blow job.”

“You did _what_?!”

Lup looked shocked.

“I saw you kissing Ruthy and I was feeling weird about it, so I got, like… super upset about stuff. I cried a bunch, and then Marcus found me, and then uh… well….” 

“Did he, like… do anything to you?”

Lup’s expression went from concerned to angry, like a spark being struck. 

“No,” said Taako. “No, god no, nothing like that. I, uh, I was crying, and I cried on him and then he kissed me, or, uh, more like I kissed him.”

“Yeah?”

Lup’s expression… looked less like she wanted to bite Marcus’s face in half, which was handy. 

“Yeah,” said Taako. “And then I was mad, at you, at… at myself for being mad at you, mad at you again, and then I was kissing him, and then I was blowing him -”

“You just went from being mad at me to blow some random dude?”

“He’s not some random dude,” Taako said, and his face was flushing. “He’s Marcus.”

“Do you have a crush on him or something?”

“... maybe,” said Taako. “I wanna… you know, keep kissing him. He jerked me off -”

“So not only did you blow him, you jerked him off?”

“I mean, you were kissing Ruthy,” said Taako.

“Still,” said Lup. “That’s… that’s… I don’t fucking know. I feel weird.”

“You’re always gonna be my heart,” said Taako, and he held her hand, then kissed the back of her hand. 

“You’re… you’re mine too,” said Lup, and she was blushing. “God, I’m turning into a real dork.”

Taako leaned in to kiss Lup… and was promptly shoved back.

“What? You don’t want to kiss me anymore?”

“Your breath smells like _jizz_ ,” said Lup, wrinkling her nose. 

“I had jizz in my mouth,” said Taako. “It happens.”

“You’re gross,” said Lup.

“I am not,” said Taako. 

“You _are_!”

“So you won’t kiss me?”

“I don’t wanna taste Marcus’s jizz,” Lup grumbled.

“What about… what about… this….”

And then Taako was kissing along her neck. 

He kissed her gently, little pecks, and she shuddered, going stiff against him.

“What’d you do with Ruthy, anyway?”

“I kissed her,” said Lup. “And… you know… mmm….”

“Mmm?”

“She let me feel her boobs.” 

“What did they feel like?”

“Soft,” said Lup. “I think I wanna do it again.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah,” said Lup. “I think I like girls.”

“Oh,” said Taako.

He tried to imagine kissing a girl who wasn’t Lup. 

It was… weird to think about. 

Uncomfortable.

Maybe he was thinking too hard about this.

“I like guys,” Taako said, lacking anything else to say.

“I mean,” said Lup, “you did kiss Marcus.”

“Yeah, well….”

Taako didn’t really have an answer to that.

“What was it like, kissing Marcus?”

Lup was pressed close to Taako, and his chin was on her shoulder, nuzzling into her.

He was getting used to the way she smelled, even as different as it was.

It wasn’t too different.

It was becoming normal. 

Was he going to forget what she used to smell like? What she used to fel like?

Her back was against his belly, and his hands spanned across her hips.

He could feel the curve of them a lot more, now that she’d done the magic. 

They still had that huge book, covered up and hidden under a giant sack of potatoes. 

They could probably do… other things with it. 

Other kinds of complicated magic.

Taako wanted to, except… when he didn’t.

There was something scary about it, and something seductive about it. 

Everything seemed like that these days. 

He sighed, and a wash of warm air passed against her cheek.

She sighed as well. 

“Well?”

“I dunno,” said Taako, and he nuzzled her neck, then gave it another kiss. 

His hands moved down, towards her inner thighs. 

“I want you to touch me,” Lup said, her voice quiet. “Like you did… like you did for Marcus.”

“You’re kinda lacking in specific bits,” Taako said.

“You could do the same thing,” said Lup.

“Where’d you get the idea for that, anyway?”

“What, the idea of me doing the thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Ruthy was talking about it,” said Lup. “About how… how it feels good.”

“Do you want me to do the thing?”

“You don’t have to do it,” she said. 

“I’d do it,” said Taako. “If you want me to, I mean.”

“... wash your mouth out first,” said Lup.

“What, are you afraid of me giving you some kind evil jizz disease?”

“... what if I got pregnant from it?”

She sounded nervous. 

“It doesn’t work like that,” said Taako. 

“Do _you_ know that?”

“I mean… I’m pretty sure,” he said. “You need, like, the actual… thing. The penis to go into the… you know.”

“Oh,” said Lup. “But isn’t it the stuff? The jizz?”

“... I’ll go wash my mouth out,” Taako said, his voice resigned. 

“Thank you,” said Lup, and she kissed him on the cheek. 

* * * 

Taako washed his mouth out, gargling with water, and then spitting it out. 

Marcus passed by, and they made eye contact.

Then Taako blushed, looking down, and Marcus laughed, and walked on towards his tent. 

Taako was blushing. 

He wasn’t sure why, but… he was. 

All of this was complicated and strange, and... his heart was beating very fast.

* * *

Lup was sprawled on their makeshift bed, and she… was naked.

She was very naked.

Um. 

This was… kind of weird.

“Do you still smell like jizz?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know,” said Taako. “You don’t exactly smell like rosewater either, you know?”

And then he was sitting between her legs, and, uh… wow.

That was different. 

Except it wasn’t. 

He remembered what it felt like, under his fingers, and it couldn’t be… that much different, could it?

He’d felt it with his fingers. 

He could feel it with his mouth.

* * * 

Lup’s heels dug into his lower back, and he was holding on to her hips, and he was… doing things with his mouth.

It was… it was salty. It tasted like metal, like something musky, and she was tangling her fingers in his hair, which… ow.

He liked… he liked the heft and weight of Marcus’s cock in his mouth better - it was satisfying to have her squirm and groan against him, and he liked how much she was moaning, and the way she kept wriggling against his tongue.

“Taako,” Lup said, and her voice was thick. “Taako, please… put your… use your… fingers. Use your fingers, please, Taako, please….”

He paused, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, 

“What are you asking me to do?”

“I’m asking you to put your finger in me.”

“Like, in….”

“Yeah, in there.”

“What if I put it in the wrong place?”

“How can there be a wrong place?!”

“I don’t know, bodies are weird. Maybe I’ll put things in the wrong place, and then maybe stuff will get weird and we’ll have to go to the doctor and it’ll be… weird.”

“Weirder than this?” Lup propped herself up on her elbows again, and looked down the line of her body at Taako. “C’mon. You did it before.”

“It was from a different angle,” Taako grumbled. “It made more sense at that angle.”

“Did it?”

“Let me just….”

He couldn’t see anything - he just… held her open, and slid his fingers inside of her. 

It was slick and hot, and... well, it felt weird, and his face was sticky - his _everything_ was sticky - but she was shuddering against him, and her heels were digging into his back.

“Curl your finger, please, please, please… I want… I want it… please, please… _please_!”

She made a high pitched noise, and then he leaned forward, pressing his tongue against her clit (clit? He’d heard the girls talk about that, vaguely, or Marcus) and then he was sucking on it, and she was clinging to him, and she was… oh god, she was pulling on his hair, she was grinding against his hand, grinding against his face, and she was making desperate noises. 

She was tensing around his fingers, she was beginning to shudder, and he let go of her, and then he was… breathing harder, and he was hard again - how could he be hard again? 

How the hell could he be hard already?

And then there was a gush of… something in his face - had she just _peed_ on him?

“Lup!”

He made a disgusted noise. 

“What?”

“What what?”

“You just _peed_ on me!”

“I did not pee on you!”

“I did not!”

“Then what’s this stuff on me?!”

“... it’s not pee.”

“It’s totally pee.”

“It is not!”

“You’re gross,” Taako grumbled, and he flopped back onto his back, his face still sticky with… whatever it was.

“Not all of you thinks I’m gross,” said Lup, and she was… sliding next to him, and then on top of him, and... oh. 

Oh, wow.

She was… she was on top of him, and she was shoving his pants down, and she was… oh god, there was… she was wet and hot, sliding against him, and it was… it was… it was pressing against him, the wetness was against his shaft, and it was… he was rolling his hips forward, his eyes closing, and then he opened them, so that the two of them were making eye contact.

“Fuck,” said Lup, and there were… there were things that were pressed against his shaft, wet things, soft things, wet things, and he was grinding his hips up, and she was grinding her hips down, and then he was sobbing, because he was having another orgasm, and it hurt. 

There was less… liquid, and it was along his belly, but it was there… it was perfect.

He shuddered, and his fingers were tangled in hers, and they were holding each other tightly, and then… then she was grinding against him some more, and okay, ow, that was painful, but she was hunching her hips forward, and then she was… she was having another orgasm, and it was across him, and he sobbed, panting, staring up at her in the dimness of the wagon.

“You fuckin’ weirdo,” said Lup, her voice thick.

He looked at her, and he saw his whole world, and the whole world was… everything. 

He wanted it all, inside of him, in his heart.

He could love it all, forever and ever. 

He’d make himself big for it, he’d keep it safe forever…. 

He shuddered, and then she was leaning forward and kissing him, and he was kissing her back, belly to belly.

“Your jizz is getting on my stomach,” said Lup.

“That sounds like a _you_ problem,” Taako said.

She pinched him.

He pinched her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few things motivate me as much as spite. Please keep that in mind before sending nasty comments.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I just want to be_   
>  _the size of a galaxy_   
>  _so I can eat all the stars and gas giants_   
>  _without them noticing_   
>  _and getting upset._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for your lovely comments!

Here is a secret: elves are aware of how beautiful they are.

That would seem kind of ridiculous, wouldn’t it?

After all, elves are… beautiful. The same way that the sky is blue and the stars blink down at us, elves are beautiful.

One would think that elves would be unable to function, knowing just how beautiful they are.

But they do.

Somehow.

It does, at least a little, explain why they’re like that. 

Taako was aware of this right now - he was aware of a lot of things right now.

… at least partially due to the alcohol.

There had been a lot of alcohol.

Taako hadn’t realized he had an alcohol tolerance.

He had to have an alcohol tolerance, since he’d so obviously passed it.

He’d never really drunk much alcohol, apart from the sweet, watered down stuff he was allowed to have for that one festival, when everyone had to have at least four cups. 

He was… he was leaning against Lup, who was equally sloshed.

How had they even ended up with all this alcohol in the first place?

… fucked if he could remember.

The whole circus was kind of drunk, truth be told. 

Some anonymous benefactor.

Taako didn’t know much from alcohol, apart from the fact that this had been sharp and fizzy and white. 

Someone was celebrating something or other, and everyone was getting something from it. 

He wasn’t going to complain - he liked booze as much as the next... person who didn’t know much about booze, but… everything felt effervescent, magical. 

But not actually magical. 

Taako knew the feeling of actual magic, and this… wasn’t it. 

It wasn’t scary, exactly.

Or maybe it was a different kind of scary.

“Taako,” said Lup, and she was speaking directly into his ear.

He could see down the front of her dress, when she leaned like this. 

Her breast were beginning to get tan lines - she wore dresses out and about these days. Ruthy, one of the cooch dancers, gave her a few.

He wasn’t going to complain - it was cute.

She was cute.

“Lulu?”

“You’re thinking about something intense.”

“Mmm? How can you tell?”

“I can practically smell the smoke,” said Lup.

“You’re such a cunt,” said Taako, his tone affectionate.

“I have one, too!”

She sounded so delighted that he burst out laughing, because… well, how could he not.

“Really, Lu?”

“What?”

“You’re… wow, Lulu. I think you’re drunk.”

“I am not,” she said. “We’re both… we’re good.” 

“Are we?”

“I think we are.”

“Well,” said Taako, and he wrapped an arm around her middle, pulling her closer to him, “what can I say? 

There had been more to that statement, but it had gotten lost between his mouth and his head. 

“You can say a lot of stuff. And probably will. You’ll always say a bunch of shit. That’s you. You’re Taako. Shit comes out of your mouth like it’s your butt. You’ve practically got a butt for a face.”

“Are you calling me a butterface.”

“No, that was this morning.”

“That wasn’t _butter_ , Lulu, that was syrup.”

“Where’d you get syrup from?”

“Marcus gave it to me, for my pancakes.”

“You sure it was for your pancakes?”

“What do you mean, am I sure it’s for pancakes?”

“I think he watched you lick the syrup off of your fork and thought about you licking syrup off of his dick,” said Lup.

“You wouldn’t want to lick syrup off of someone’s dick,” said Taako, wrinkling his nose.

“No? Why not?”

“‘Cause… it’s gross.”

“Why’s it gross?”

“‘Cause… like… dicks taste a certain way. It doesn’t go well with syrup. Y’know?”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Lup. “I’ve never had a dick in my mouth.”

“Right,” said Taako. “I’d forgotten about that.”

It was hard to remember, sometimes, that they’d had different life experiences. They were both so… they’d done things the same way for most of their lives. 

The same thing, if not in different ways.

And here was Taako, who had an experience that Lup didn’t have. 

… huh.

“You should suck a cock,” Taako told Lup, his tone earnest.

He said it a little louder than he’d intended to, honestly, and a few people looked up.

“You’re an idiot,” Lup said, and she grabbed him by the hand. “C’mon. Let’s… let’s go someplace quieter.”

They got a few more odd looks, but… whatever.

They did good work.

They were the weird elf kids, but they kept to themselves, and they didn’t cause any trouble.

… apart from making things explode occasionally, but people didn’t need to know about that.

And then they were in the woods again.

Taako had never really gotten the point of the whole “commune with nature” thing - nature was… fine. 

It existed.

It was spinning.

Lup seemed a lot less drunk than he was, come to think of it.

He leaned on her, heavily, as they made their way into the woods, and then they were sitting a ways away from camp, looking up at the sky through the canopy of the leaves.

“I’m not afraid of your penis anymore,” Lup said, out of the blue.

Taako blinked at her, trying to get his bearings. 

The world was spinning around them.

“I love you, Lulu,” he told her. 

“I love you too,” said Lup, and then she was leaning forward and kissing him, and that was enough to take his breath away, as he clung to her, taking in the scent of her.

She smelled like the bubbly, sharp, white wine, she smelled like herself, like the campfire.

She was holding on to him, her arms around him, and now he was pressed into a tree, and... he was getting hard.

“Why aren’t you afraid of my penis anymore?”

“‘Cause it doesn’t… ‘cause I don’t have to think of it as being identical to me anymore.”

“Hm?”

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear - it was escaping her braid. 

“When I was… before I did the change,” Lup said, and she was sliding her hands into his shirt, across his chest, her palms over his nipples, one of them over his thundering heart, “before that, when I looked at you, I knew that… you know, you looked like me. I looked like you. And there was… there were nice bits about that, ‘cause, you know, you’re my heart, and I’m your heart. But… but I hated you a little bit for it, too.”

Taako blinked at her, a little too drunk for this - was he ever supposed to have known this?

Would she have told him, if she was sober?

… probably not.

Would he have listened if he was sober?

Also, probably not.

“But now,” she said, “now I can just… I can look at you. Taako, you’re so beautiful, you know that?”

“Well, yeah,” said Taako. “Obviously.”

Lup snorted, and then she kissed Taako, with her whole mouth, and it was sloppy and kind of gross, but the right kind of gross.

His tongue was in her mouth, her tongue was in his mouth, and the two of them were just… pressing closer to each other, holding on to each other, and she had him pinned to the tree.

He wasn’t complaining.

Far from it.

Her breasts were soft against his chest, and her fingers were digging into his shoulders. 

“I wanna touch you,” Lup said, right in Taako’s ear. “I want… I want to eat you whole. I want to be with you forever and ever.”

Was she… crying?

“Lup?”

Taako cupped her cheek, and she was indeed crying, tears dripping down her cheeks. 

He brushed them away with his thumbs, holding her face in both hands.

“Taako,” Lup said, and she was shaking, “Taako, I… I don’t know how to live in a body. In a body that… that I want. I mean….”

Yeah, Lup was definitely having a lot of feelings, and they were all coming out of her face.

He held her close, letting her sob into his shoulder. 

She was mumbling, and it was snotty and complicated, but he caught most of it.

“I’m… I like how I look, Taako. Like, I like it. I think… I think I look sexy, and I think I look like I… like I belong, in me. And then I look at you and I don’t think about how I look like a dude anymore, I just think about how… about how you look like you and I look like me, and we’re… we’re not like we were.”

More sobbing.

Taako was probably too drunk for this, and he still had an erection.

He held her to him, and he rocked her, making soothing noises, rubbing her back. 

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“For what?”

“For changing,” she said. “And for… for how I felt about you. Before I changed.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Taako told her.

“Huh?”

“You’re both apologizing for changing, which you don’t need to do, and you’re apologizing for hating me before you changed, when you not changing would have made you hate me even _more_.”

“... oh,” said Lup.

“You’re being dumb,” he told her.

“I’m just learning from what I’m seeing,” she told him. “All this observing you is making me stupid.”

He snorted, and he kissed her on her sweet mouth, which tasted of fizzy white wine, her lips as red as cherries and her hands like iron brands on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Lup said, her voice quiet. “I want… I want to make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to make it up to me,” Taako told her.

“Well,” she said, “I want to.”

And then she was… pushing him onto the forest floor.

Full on pushing him onto the forest floor, and now she was… she was straddling him, and she was pulling her skirt up - she had on underwear, actual women’s underwear, and she was just… kicking it off. 

She was… she was bare, right up against his cock through the fabric of his pants, and she was grinding.

She was already wet - he could smell it from here.

“Taako,” she said, “can you, like, break my pussy in for me?”

“... Lup,” said Taako, “what the fuck does that even mean?”

“I don’t know,” Lup said. “But, uh… Ruthy, she says it helps to have someone who, you know, who cares about you. When you do it.”

“You don’t have to do it with me.”

“Maybe I wanna,” said Lup, and she was… she was very much straddling him now, without her underwear, and she was pushing his pants down - he had to lift his hips up, which nearly unseated her, but then there was his cock, pink in the cooler air, and she was… oh fuck, she was taking it into her small hand, and she was squeezing it, she was stroking it, she was… oh… fuck….

“I’ve seen a few more cocks,” she told him. 

“Really?”

Taako’s mind was racing like a three legged rhino.

Big, lumbering, and off balance.

“I’ve… I’ve been curious about them,” she said, and she squeezed him, then she was… oh god, she was sinking down onto him and it was… _oh_.

“Lulu,” Taako said, his voice thick, and she was… she was all the way on him, she was surrounding him, and she was so wet and hot and tight, it was… it was like velvet, it was better than velvet, he didn’t want it to ever stop, it was… oh… fuck….

“Hmm?”

“You… how are you looking at cocks?”

“Oh,” said Lup, and she flexed around him.

Her knees were digging into his ribs, which was uncomfortable, but she was squeezing him again, all around his cock, and he was _not_ going to last that long, holy fuck.

“Oh? That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I, uh… I spy on the cooch tent sometimes. Or when they, uh… when they entertain dudes, sometimes the dudes have their dicks out. So I look at them.”

Lup leaned in really close to him, her forehead against his, so that their noses were touching.

“Humans have weird looking penises,” she said. 

“I kinda like them,” Taako said. 

“I know you do,” said Lup. “You were willing to put your mouth on one!”

Taako made an annoyed sound, and he shifted his hips.

She moaned, and then she was shifting her position, so that she was holding on to his shoulder with one hand, and beginning to rub between her legs with his other.

She held onto his hip with one hand, and then he was reaching between her legs, and there was her clit, under his thumb.

Her hand was on his wrist, guiding him, and he kept rubbing it for her, guided by her, as she shuddered around him, twitched, and then he was just fucking up into her, because how could he even stand it?

He sobbed, holding on tighter to her hip, and she held onto his shoulder, hard enough to bruise - Lup was so _strong_ , she didn’t seem to even realize how strong she was. 

And then his cock was shuddering, and so was she, as she came around him, came and came and came, and it was… it was his orgasm, it was feeding into his own body, and he was cumming inside of her, and it was… oh god, it was wet and tight, and she was practically milking him with her pussy, oh god….

“... shit. Could you get pregnant from this?”

Lup shook her head, and she was still shaking. 

“I, uh… there’s some magic that Ruthy taught me,” said Lup, and she licked her lips, pressing her knees into him. “But I also said I’d… I wanna know what it’s like to… to have a cock in my mouth.”

“You could’ve waited ‘til after I’d cum,” Taako complained, and he groaned when she pulled off of him, and was… moving down his body?

Some of his cum dripped out of her, and it was sticky and gooey along his leg, as she moved lower, until she was… oh god.

She was sucking on his cock, sucking it clean, and that was… that was something, and it was the kind of thing that the ladies in the cooch dancing tent would probably charge extra for.

And she was… oh god, she was doing things with her tongue, and he was shaking, he was sobbing, as his cock got softer and softer, until she pulled off, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“You’re right,” she told him. “That’d taste horrible with maple syrup.”

“I think that may be the most fuckin’ disgusting thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” Taako said in a conversational tone of voice, as he tucked his cock back into his pants, and the stars spun over him.

She grinned at him, her white teeth catching the light, her eyes shining in red and green.

He kissed her, and she kissed him back - he tasted her on her tongue, tasted himself. 

He wanted… he wanted to be big enough to protect her.

He wanted her to protect him.

The whole world was theirs for the eating, and they would go after it, knife and fork in hand.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an intense fic tackling controversial subjects - I understand if people are made uncomfortable by it. Please understand that it wasn't my intention to cause any discomfort, just to get this to stop rattling around the inside of my head.


End file.
